~ Injured in the "Line of Duty" ~March 20th 2004
(My "new" Life ~ My "Prison")
I've always been motivated and focused to do my job, always 100%; in my world there's no such thing as 110% I know many whom feel the same. Although, it's not every one's reality or work ethic, I know that I've been blessed to work with some of the hardest, honest and strongest people I'd ever meet during my lifetime and that speaks volumes to their character. From Cardio - Thoracic Surgery (working those long, long Mental hours) to being an LEO, I've been lucky to have had the right people around me. I owe each of them a debt of gratitude for their strength and friendship because I enjoyed whatever job I held and always thought of our team as the best, I knew it and I they knew it too. I hope all people in critical positions try their absolute best. We all know some job's aren't as demanding as the job's I've had in my life; Cardiac surgery was a 20+ year love of mine and now it's Law enforcement. There are so many sub-titles under our positions but after it's all done and it comes to the real facts ~ We are public servants. Oddly enough, knowing my injury is real, it was hard for me to understand the scrutiny and lies the Insurance company would and did employ to discredit me. The fact that no one really came to me personally to see if I'm okay is hard enough. I feel betrayed. I can understand though, at first I didn't even know I was injured! At least not to the extent that I learned after my surgery! About two hours into the "use of force" paperwork my back started to get stiff, I really hardly noticed it but one of my sergeants asked me if "anyone else was hurt at all"... I had to say "I thought I may have pulled a muscle"... Two and a half years later... and two major spinal surgeries later... My hopes of ever getting back to normal, or being able to hold a job of any kind, are dashed. I can't take care of our house and people still don't understand or care. I've been told that "I've changed for the worse and my outlook on life isn't "fun" anymore". I admit it - I'm not the ball of energy I used to be, but I'm still here! !f I could change my physical situation it would be like I had been in prison and finally released. Objectively, prisoners have it better than I, yes there is danger but they are taken care of... Every need is addressed or can be addressed and acknowledged when a complaint is made. I'm not afforded that without possibly losing something on the back end. My Lawyer says "I've gotten the best possible decision from Workers Comp." I'm not to sure I have because I don't feel the benefit of honor an injured Officer should feel. In fact I feel like I'm not thought of until another Officer is injured and I get a phone call, from an injured Officer, the Union gave my phone number to. It isn't funny at all, but sometimes I feel my life is not my own anymore, I'm treated like a lower class of people I swore to protect society from.
The photo above shows the metal I got (titanium plates, cages and stainless steel screws). Some times I wonder... If I was killed that night... Would my community, employers or Brothers and Sisters respect my service? Would they step up and take care of my family as promised on paper? If you've been seriously injured and haven't been treated poorly, I think you should count your lucky stars!
I decided to share my experiences with past and future Officers looking for help. As you may know by now there aren't many places for injured Officers to go. Sure there are chat rooms, possibly some blogs, but nothing is put in one place for the Officer to look at and apply to without giving blood and way too much information. If you're ever injured in the line of duty, the protection you think you have, for yourself and your family within the law enforcement community isn't as clear or guaranteed as you think (or are told) even if it's on paper! You're about to travel through a living hell. And I'm not just referring to the actual physical pain. I'm still on this road and I have no intention of giving up! I do know how to get some of the information you may need and I have used that can help you get by. If you need help - just post a comment to this blog, it will shoot me a direct email and I'll see what I can find for you. Some things go pretty quickly but in some cases it may take me some time. However - remember I'm injured too, and there are a bunch of people with huge problems and really good questions. There are links on the upper Left and bottom right of this page use them as a resource as I put them their for you!
It's all up to you. You can get involved or just tell your story. I'm here and if you need a hand there are groups of us, however scattered they are effective.
*To be fair to the psychology of warfare and our administrations, maybe the idea of not acknowledging injured or permanently disabled Officers is in line with not showing weakness to the criminals ~ they don't want them to know that they can hurt us. However, this type of thought allows for wide spread abuses by Insurance companies and employees. It all boils down to "it's all about the money" that has been proven by the actions I've experienced, along with so many other Officers. If you believe that insurance companies don't abuse the truth, that they won't twist what your doctor says or unintentionally omits; that they won't twist your information into whatever form they can to arrive at the cheapest way to medically treat you - well you might as well stop reading this blog now. I pray you don't fall into that blind trust, be instinctive and treat it as a business transaction because that's what it is to them and the Judge has the final word. You need to read on and protect yourself; hey you may be one of the "lucky one's", but I doubt it because you're here. I may get lucky and learn something from you!
You have to PROTECT Yourself!
The very first bit of advice I want you to consider is to keep your medical records and information straight. Make copies of eveything and keep binders, files, computer documents, x-rays, MRI'S, CAT scans, scripts for hardware, referrals; anything you can get or request copies of; KEEP! It's best to keep everything chronologically organized also. If you can keep a daily journal with names, dates and phone numbers that's even better. I understand that when you're injured like this the last thing you want to deal with is paperwork, but it's almost necessary to protect yourself and your family. The only up side to it is that you have time to secure everything medically/legally pertinent and it can be done a little at a time, give it an hour a day.
Being injured and labeled "totally and permanently disabled" is the most humbling and embarrassing reality I've ever had to deal with. Most likely by now you've searched the net you've seen the most common mistakes made by Injured Officers. What you may miss are the mistakes made by your doctors ~ Yes, I said doctors... If it's not a misdiagnosis its the way they've documented your care. It's so common for doctors to scribble something down (chicken scratch) not knowing the importance of how things are written could mean delays or in some cases loss of specific benefits. The courts use that scribbled information to determine/deny or approve your benefits, eligibility and degree of care you're entitled to. One simple mistake by your doctor, surgeon, physical therapist or any other medical professional could be a bonanza for the insurance companies lawyer! You need to understand that the lawyers and consultants are paid employees of the Insurance companies and they will say anything to bring up doubt to discredit your case. *Please note: Either those lawyers, Doctors, physical therapist produce a desired result or the Insurance companies don't use them anymore and they're out of a job and can't feed their familiy. That's a cold hard fact. They actually sell books for medical professionals outlining the correct way to document findings in Workers Compensation and SSDI cases, but I've never seen any doctor or medical professional refer or have one of these books on their shelves, except for one! Personally; I've even had the displeasure of having an IME (Independent Medical Exam), performed at the request of the insurance company, chewed apart by the insurance company lawyers and used to delay my initial surgery! I truly believe if I was operated right away or close to it I wouldn't be here typing out this horrific experience.
Know where to put your trust!
I'd like to think of my blog as "common sense" but who could ever think this would ever happen? You're the only one in this mess and the road out of it isn't short and clear, in fact this road isn't on any map and the fog is as thick as peanut butter! You've got to first; Trust your instincts to survive and get the proper care you need and deserve. You can't buy books that clearly tell the doctors how to write their reports for Workers Comp. and I have to say it's a pretty fat chance you're going to get them to read up on it without you stressing that these books are available to them and things need to be written clearly and specifically. Be sure you know where you put your trust! The doctors who represent the insurance companies say they are "neutral" and some will say "I'm not supposed to tell you this but..." And "I will give an honest report." Some of them will even say "I'm not supposed to tell you what I think you should do but..." ***The point you have to always remember there is a direct conflict of interest regardless of their quote "honest opinion" ~ They are paid employees/consultants of the insurance company who's main interest is to deny you and make money. I can't stress this enough... If a doctor doesn't produce the desired result they simply don't give these doctors referrals. I've found most of these doctors are mostly retired, "out of touch" and non-practicing care givers. Ask yourself; "what kind of doctor goes into health care to help an insurance company save money instead of helping patients?" Although totally unethical it's BIG business; although totally unfair; it's plain as the nose on your face ~ it's all about the money! In fact it's illegal for them to give you any advice. Here's where the law enforcement side of your training should kick in... Presidents, Priests, lawyers, doctors and even elementary school teachers shouldn't ever be considered above the law, innocent or non-suspect. Your own administration (Fellow Officer's) will turn their back on you. Please ~ Don't learn this by your own experience, it's way too costly. You're on your own.
Law's are in place to protect you as well as your employer.
All states have different rules dealing with Worker's Compensation and Municipal law, you have to look it up, ask questions, don't let anything just pass you by and make mistakes that are considered obvious. Follow your doctor's recommendations and if you feel they aren't giving you the proper care... For God's sake go find a doctor who can help you! You are the only person who can judge whether or not you're being treated fairly, but how do you know what's fair unless you've personally experienced this situation? There are many ways to get help; hiring a lawyer is a good First step! In Albany, NY I suggest Alex Dell Esq.. You don't want to hire the lawyer recommended by your work! If you have to travel to some dark "of the map" office and their place of employment looks unorganized don't throw your trusts into that wind, regardless of his/her sales pitch. Honestly, look around you and ask yourself; Is this the person I want representing me? It's your life and they're there to protect your rights. If you don't feel comfortable fire them straight away but don't close that door - you're not in a position to make enemies now. Move on quietly, they all may be connected.
*More to come... I need to rest.
Thursday October 26th, 2006
I haven't been doing so well with my pain. I want/need to get this done but I think this will be a long project. I'm hurting all the time and I'm the only one who feels it! All my hobbies are set aside, everything that used to be fun (for me) is gone... "Just try your best" is what a good Doctor would say (at the very least) keep all your paperwork, and most of all KEEP YOUR FAMILY TOGETHER!
The reason I admitted the PTSD (in front of God and everyone) is because my life is consumed by fear of losing everything I've worked for including my family. I can feel in my gut someone is watching me. How can anyone with this type of injury; feel so much pain and embarrassment and then... not have PTSD? My employer's insurance company said; "We can't allow people to be treated for PTSD... it would open a Pandora's box". I believe the foregoing quote is called ~ "adding insult to injury!" I wish there was some way to be able to show everyone how this feels, physically and mentally; you can't measure what you lose or anything else that comes with my type of disability. But it all comes down to the Insurance companies adjusters training... They are told to hold back any service that could cost them any money or admit liability - you have to get real and believe these things are going on!
~Russian Roulette~
Here's another point... where I'm totally puzzled... Where are my fellow Brothers and Sisters? Regardless of position, Why don't they rally to help me? Don't they realize... this can happen to them? And rallying to help me could only help them if, and God forbid, they are injured. The only resoning I can come up with is "they don't think it could ever happen to them". I'm ringing a bell, I hope!
This injury, this life... it's so embarrassing. I have two (2) sixteen (16) year old twin step daughter's, a (15) fifteen year old boy, (21) Twenty - one year old son... Why or who would want to be in my position? My life is totally uncertain; and the future, even tomorrow, I never know how I'm going to feel. I had to sell my old house because I can't do the upkeep anymore.
After dealing with this for two and one half or so years (2 1/2), and actually since my last surgery, I've been racking my brain, I've been trying to figure out how or what I can do... What kind of employment is out there for someone who's in pain all the time and unreliable because of this pain? I can't even be reliable as a husband, what should I do??? Who would want this life? Why don't they take care of me like they promised (implied and written)... Am I supposed to feel disgraced?
Above Is a photo of my backyard on the Hudson River Stillwater, N.Y.; to the left is my canoe - A canoe I haven't been able to use!
I'm not having a good day, I need to lay down...
~About the Benefits; if you're "Injured in the Line of Duty"~
You'll see at the top left or bottom right, of this site, several links... I hope you can use them "if you're entitled". It appears that some people have been able to utilize these benefits but you have to meet all the points required for entitlement and it's not a quick and/or guaranteed entitlement. You have to work for it! Trust me I know how it feels - "work" for me now is actually making it through a day! From my bed to the couch. If I'm able to shower and I bend the wrong way it can put me back in bed... if I'm able to get out of bed! Some days are better than others and I do try, you should too... Don't give up and do it a little at a time.
I need to stop for now, my body has become a human barometer! I'm hurting so much right now...
~You're not paranoid... They're really after you!~
I went to see my O.D. and my Orthopedic surgeon since my last post. One medication was bumped up; other than that it was the same as it ever was... However, the appointment with my surgeon was a little different, he actually listened to me a little closer and appeared to be genuinely concerned. As far as my pain goes, there really isn't anything accept remove the screws... And that's just a guess - if I went through with the operation I'd be risking paralysis and it may not work. A risk I'm going to wait on taking... We talked about what the lawyer for the insurance company did at our last hearing; he was trying to belittle and fight with me... Apparently it's an accepted practice. Maybe they thought I'd jump up and smack "jerk a knot in his tail". My surgeon said, when ever those insurance company lawyer's take his testimony, they attempt to harass and intimidate. Without a medical degree; these lawyers belittle diagnosed injuries. Why doesn't anyone step up and stop them from abusing their position? Sure, some of the benefits owed to the disabled worker's have been paid but - they cut corners, they save money on behalf of the employer's. The injured employee pays when they're allowed to cut these "corners".
~As a matter of written law~
Worker's Compensation was set up to protect the employee and the employer's from binding our legal system and preventing collapse of the businesses in our country because of work related injuries; but obviously the scales are tipped on the side of the employer when it comes to actually assigning compensation to an permanently disabled employee who has lost everything! It's not hard to find the reason why they get away with "low balling" disabled workers; it's all about the money and the only winner is the insurance company.
This is not a scare tactic... It's a fact!
From the Insurance company lawyer's taking advantage of an disabled employee who has no representation to the employees who aren't injured at all. There's always an extreme... But what about the lawyer's for the insurance companies who represent the employer... What stops them from their dishonest practices? What are their ramifications? What I'm trying to say is; "if you don't have a lawyer you can trust, an advocate who knows the laws and the system that can and will swallow you up and spit you out into poverty... Then find a one you can trust NOW! Before it's too late."
*Family time... Drop me a line, I haven't heard from anyone in a while!
hat they initially called a pulled muscle (2004) turned out to be a "Burst fracture" of my spine and has pierced my spinal cords, nerves and severed some spinal nerves (honestly I think I still have pieces of bone still in ther causing more pain/damage. But I don't give up! You shouldn't give up either. keep your focus and remember that you're responsible for one thing and one thing only and that is your family! That means you have to be wise and cautious, tolerant and above all careful - you're one step away from being paralyzed. Now I've thought about this and I have to say 86% of the time I really wish I didn''t feel the pain but then I think that I really don't want anyone wiping my buttocks. I think you understand...